If you have used Twitter for very long, you surely know the type. It is the popular Twitter user like that jerk in high school all the kids wanted to be like but nobody could really say for sure just why. Fortunately for you, I have taken it upon myself to tell you how to become popular on Twitter without actually being useful. This is that secret recipe all the cool and popular people on Twitter did not want you to know about, but I am telling you. Let the death threats begin.

Now Let’s Make You One of the Popular People on Twitter

Follow along, because you don’t want to do this wrong. If you tweet the wrong thing, people will hate you. They will rip you up and make you wish you left your iPhone on the night stand and never downloaded that fancy-schmancy Twitter application. They may even unfollow you, and the “unfollow” on Twitter is worse than a bad fart on an airplane.

If you follow this list without deviation, you are sure to become massively popular. Just remember that if anybody says “I hate you and hope you die a miserable death” or “You deserve a really bad case of herpes” … those people are just jealous because they will probably never be as popular as you. Just as long as they don’t “unfollow” you … that is when you know it has gone beyond jealousy and they may actually hate you.

Here is the secret list. It is not an all-inclusive list, but it will get you started. If you want the whole story, I guess you will just have to buy the book.

Yes, I really do think that many Twitter users are about as intelligent as the rocks that line the bottom of a fish aquarium. Do I think I am better than them? Oh, if I have to go into that, I will just piss you off and show what an arrogant, annoying, and “better-than-you” person I really am. If you really want the truth, I may have to write another book just to explain how much smarter and better I really am. Hmm? I think I will get to work on that one right away, in fact. This is not [...]

Do you have a Twitter success story, or do you know somebody who does? If the answer is yes, I want to hear about it.
If you have heard something that gave you a smile, made you cry, or just made you think about why you use Twitter, you are not alone. Every day we see “tweets” that reinforce our belief in people and prove that we are not alone. It may be a story of a restauranteur who was able to bring more smiles with their culinary delights, or the person who found a job and saved their home and [...]

Do you really think that sending a virtual wall of Twitter usernames at everybody you know is going to  be read? This may help you to realize a bit of what you may not have known about the Twitter hashtag #FollowFriday. First, you should know that retweeted FollowFriday endorsements do not count, but if you don’t know what I mean by that, you should read the rest of this before you send a single FollowFriday tweet.
Where FollowFriday Began
FollowFriday began as an idea for endorsing other Twitter users who provide value to your network. Here is the blog post showing where [...]

Jack Walden Murnahan, Twitter’s youngest user, sent a message to social media yesterday that we should all take heed of. The message that Jack Walden sent at only minutes old was not just as you would think, and it should prove to each of us the greatest of lessons in social media.
Jack Walden’s message was delivered more directly to the heart of social media than even the most cleverly devised sales pitch or news story. It did not need to be spread around the world to every Internet user, and there was no attached agenda. It was simply the sharing [...]