If you have used Twitter for very long, you surely know the type. It is the popular Twitter user like that jerk in high school all the kids wanted to be like but nobody could really say for sure just why. Fortunately for you, I have taken it upon myself to tell you how to become popular on Twitter without actually being useful. This is that secret recipe all the cool and popular people on Twitter did not want you to know about, but I am telling you. Let the death threats begin.

Now Let’s Make You One of the Popular People on Twitter

Follow along, because you don’t want to do this wrong. If you tweet the wrong thing, people will hate you. They will rip you up and make you wish you left your iPhone on the night stand and never downloaded that fancy-schmancy Twitter application. They may even unfollow you, and the “unfollow” on Twitter is worse than a bad fart on an airplane.

If you follow this list without deviation, you are sure to become massively popular. Just remember that if anybody says “I hate you and hope you die a miserable death” or “You deserve a really bad case of herpes” … those people are just jealous because they will probably never be as popular as you. Just as long as they don’t “unfollow” you … that is when you know it has gone beyond jealousy and they may actually hate you.

Here is the secret list. It is not an all-inclusive list, but it will get you started. If you want the whole story, I guess you will just have to buy the book.

I have noticed, and perhaps you have as well, that in order to be one of the “most influential” Twitter users, it requires that you take your days and nights to tweet every last piece of social media “news” that you can get your hopeful little retweeting paws on. It really helps if it is about the latest geeky Twitter application by some big named company promising that it will be their huge social media savior and make them squillions of dollars by knowing this “secret” tidbit of wisdom you have to share with them. Even better … maybe being one [...]

It used to be that the big fad was to go “follow” a bunch of people on Twitter with an expectation that a majority of them will “follow” in return. I watched it and cringed, because I saw that there is a point when it totally comes undone and all of Twitter becomes deaf. It is still a pretty strong fad, but a newer fad is to go and unfollow everybody and start over.
Bulk Unfollow: A New Fad
Let’s face it my friend, you can only follow so many people before it becomes no more than a courtesy to show that [...]

“Twitter can you hear me?” This is a question that many Twitter users are asking. At first, I was concerned that it was just me. Maybe people just didn’t hear me … maybe I didn’t bathe enough and stunk up the place. That would have been a great scenario for Twitter, but I have found without doubt that this is not limited to me, and that it is a widespread issue. There are some specific reasons for this, and I want to share my thoughts and I want to hear yours. I hope that we can get this all sorted [...]

What is the value of a Twitter follower to you? Is it going to make you the star of your high school football team? Will it make you prettier so you have a better shot in the cheerleader tryouts? Will you use that incredible popularity to turn it all into millions of dollars? What is it, really, that makes Twitter users so fascinated by gaining followers?
Why Do You Seek Twitter Followers?
It seems that having enough followers to fill a stadium provides some great sense of value, but unless you know what it is, or why you try so hard at [...]