I believe the popularity addiction that many people suffer from in social media is downright pathetic. I’m going to tell you, in plain business terms, why I quit putting that drug in my bloodstream and stopped caring about appearances of popularity, having a squillion followers, or stressing about having the highest Klout score. In short, it is because those things aren’t what pays the bills, and they can even be quite destructive pursuits.

If you will look at it rationally, for just a moment, I’ll show you why the fashionable illusion of popularity fails the test of real business value. If you are ready to breathe a sigh of relief, you may want to pay attention and join me on the road to recovery.

I don’t write a lot about Twitter these days. I did back in the golden days, but many Twitter users don’t readily recall “The Golden Days of Twitter”. Today, I want to offer up some recent observations about Twitter, along with some rather curious numbers.

If you are an old timer with Twitter, you will almost undoubtedly nod and agree with a lot of this. If you are new with Twitter, this should help you understand the service in ways you may have missed. If you are one of those incessant spammers of modern day Twitter, oh yes … then you must be new, or you would have received the memo to explain how the Twitter Follower Frenzy just makes you look bad.

I want to offer a short bit about Twitter following, but then show you more about where Twitter is going for those people who are unwilling to adapt to a better, and smarter purpose for their tweeterizing. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to tell you the right or wrong way to use your Twitter … I will just give you some facts and figures and let you see for yourself.

Do you use Twitter? If you have used Twitter as long as I have, you have surely seen a lot of change. I opened my first Twitter account in April 2008, just over two and a half years ago. I used Twitter to announce my racing starts and results, and to let people know when my auto racing webcast was live. I was too busy on race tracks to use it for much else.

In the beginning, I was pretty unaware of the great value of Twitter, as most of us were, but then I decided to take a little closer look when I created my @murnahan account. Twitter’s usefulness really struck me after I learned about a fire that happened on the roof of my kids’ school, about 100 yards from my home, in a Twitter update. No, I didn’t learn about that fire by hearing the fire trucks or standing in my driveway and seeing flashing lights. I discovered it on Twitter. This was when I decided that Twitter was really worth a closer look.

If you have used Twitter for very long, you surely know the type. It is the popular Twitter user like that jerk in high school all the kids wanted to be like but nobody could really say for sure just why. Fortunately for you, I have taken it upon myself to tell you how to become popular on Twitter without actually being useful. This is that secret recipe all the cool and popular people on Twitter did not want you to know about, but I am telling you. Let the death threats begin.

Now Let’s Make You One of the Popular People on Twitter

Follow along, because you don’t want to do this wrong. If you tweet the wrong thing, people will hate you. They will rip you up and make you wish you left your iPhone on the night stand and never downloaded that fancy-schmancy Twitter application. They may even unfollow you, and the “unfollow” on Twitter is worse than a bad fart on an airplane.

If you follow this list without deviation, you are sure to become massively popular. Just remember that if anybody says “I hate you and hope you die a miserable death” or “You deserve a really bad case of herpes” … those people are just jealous because they will probably never be as popular as you. Just as long as they don’t “unfollow” you … that is when you know it has gone beyond jealousy and they may actually hate you.

Here is the secret list. It is not an all-inclusive list, but it will get you started. If you want the whole story, I guess you will just have to buy the book.

I have noticed, and perhaps you have as well, that in order to be one of the “most influential” Twitter users, it requires that you take your days and nights to tweet every last piece of social media “news” that you can get your hopeful little retweeting paws on. It really helps if it is about the latest geeky Twitter application by some big named company promising that it will be their huge social media savior and make them squillions of dollars by knowing this “secret” tidbit of wisdom you have to share with them. Even better … maybe being one [...]