I could sit here at my computer all day and tease people who are willing to take on small contracts in the field of SEO and social media marketing, or the clients willing to pay them. Many of those clients are broke, and there are a lot of bad people with an SEO and social media flag waving to attract the last of their money.

Giving them a hard time can be very fun, but it is not really all that productive. After all, there is a huge majority of small businesses who seek somebody to help them, but do not have the needed resources for a grand entrance to the online market. There are also some talented marketing minds who like working with small or short-term contracts. I prefer to help bring them together.

I have an uncommon analogy for you to consider today. I sometimes feel a bit like a mad scientist slinking into my secret laboratory, just a little bit like Dr. Frankenstein. It seems especially real on days when I sit at this computer for sixteen hours, nap for three hours, and then return with my crazy mad scientist hairdo and coffee breath. Creepy? Perhaps, but it is always fun to exclaim “It’s Alive!” after it all comes together just right.

I realize that some people are squeamish about biology, but don’t worry, we are just imagining this for a few minutes. Think of it like a science fiction movie scene.

Try to picture the Internet as a sci-fi creature with living tissue, nerves, and blood vessels growing every day. It is alive and growing, and it has defense mechanisms just like most organic life forms. If you introduce a foreign object, it will either accept it, or it will reject it.

You may wonder how I will make this turn out to be both useful and humorous, but have a little faith, my Google searching friend. This is a list of my answers to some the dumbest Google searches I recently found in my server logs.

I love SEO. There, I said it! I really do love my work, although I am the first to suspect that, as I have often said, “When I Go to Hell, They Will Have Me Selling SEO“. One of the reasons I love it so much is the great humor and insights to the human mind that it offers. This is also one of the reasons you may sometimes find me to be condescending and uppity, because there are truly some dumb people out there. It takes all types to make a species, but wow … just “Wow!”

I find that a lot of people are curious about breaking down marketing services like social media and search engine optimization to an hourly rate. I know this, because a lot of people search the Internet for pricing information and find me.

Silly me, I don’t have a standard rate sheet, but I will tell you why. I don’t know how much it will cost to perform SEO or social media marketing until I know what a company wants and needs from the services.

I understand the concern of marketing cost. After all, the reason for a company to spend money on marketing is to achieve a higher profit. This means the cost of marketing will be a factor. However, it is too common that the only set of numbers a client will clearly understand is the outgoing money, while they ignore the more important numbers such as accurate projections, goals, and increased profit.

Think about your worst times in your career. You were probably stressed by a lot of little things that seemed bigger than they really were, and perhaps some really big challenges, too. Deadlines, coworkers, health, family, finances, and other stressful issues can make it feel like everything is spiraling out of control. Some challenges can be used to build a company stronger, but it is far more common that they become destructive.

I am going to give you a bit of information that you can email to your boss with confidence, tweet on Twitter, “Like” on Facebook, and best of all … you can blame me for being the one who gave your boss this uncommon piece of common sense.

Is there a solution? I have found through more than two decades in business for myself, and from consulting with many businesses, the majority of business challenges can be improved with more money. That could mean hiring a better accountant, bringing in a strategist, improved inventory and purchasing capability, or having the right equipment to do the job at hand. The list of enhancements is long, but let’s just say that money can bring about a lot of improvements in a company.

One of the greatest improvements to a business comes from the quality of life of the people who make the business what it is. You cannot separate the people from the business, and if you try, you will fail!