It is really popular for people to attend conferences and listen to speakers who will teach them all about the value of SEO, social media, and the many other varieties of snake oil the Internet has to offer.
That is a great way to dampen a lot of tissues as attendants are bored to tears from the typical fertilizer talk. Now, don’t you think it would be better to have something memorable which can be implemented?
Let’s talk about vegitation for a moment.
You can throw tomatoes at me, or you can sit down, relax, and learn from a guy who has done more things which “can’t be done” than all but a very few people. Sure, anybody can talk about what they found in story books or on a blog somewhere. If that is your gig, be merry and veg out for a good time. My business is about business.
Conferences are a popular way to learn things in a crowd setting. What makes them so popular is that they are an even better way to schmooze with a bunch of drunken vegetables at the bar afterward and pray to the alcohol gods that somebody will blog about you or otherwise let you into their “garden”. Schmoozing at conferences is great, and if you do it really well … and I mean spectacularly … it will net you three bucks an hour after you pay with your pride, your soul, and with your bar tab. This is assuming you had a great day, at a perfect conference.
Social media and SEO speakers are notorious for boring people with what they found in a case study from some awesometacular Silicon Valley blog about techie junk nobody gives a baby carrot about, or can relate to. They often get event coordinators to pay big San Francisco high-rise money to regurgitate compost they know only a little bit about.
Speaking Cows in the Garden
It is accepted and very popular for speakers to tell you stories of “How the cow ate the cabbage” and how things are supposed to be in the marketing world. I will not bore you with that small level of pea-sized garden level thinking.
Instead, I will tell you how the cow grew the the cabbage, ate the cabbage, shit the cabbage seeds, fertilized them just right, nurtured the cabbage seedlings, and grew them into something that turned into more business … lots of business.
If you’ve got the hairy grapes to help your event stand out against the background of a squillion other veggies in the garden, prove it! Just have your checkbook handy, because most farmers are not ready to learn what I know, and even fewer are deserving of it.
Yes, I am a proud farmer, but my crops are growing, while many others are not. That is what makes me different. I am not your garden variety speaker.
Do you still want to know more? See what others have to say about me, and then contact me to bring my veggie juice to your next event.
Photo credit to celesteh via Flickr.